Fortunately, there are ways to pinpoint exactly what you are feeling and achieve emotional consistency. This can help you in developing long-lasting and meaningful connections. So, if you are having trouble figuring out if you are in a long-term (love-based) or short-term (lust-based) relationship, this article is for you. Keep reading to learn the distinction between lust and love!
Love Vs. Lust: What Is The Difference?
Generally speaking, there are three categories of feelings that people experience:
Lust: It is the hormonal craving that drives people to seek partners primarily for sexual gratification. Attraction: It entails feelings of passionate love and excitement that are rooted in a desire for emotional support and intimate connection. Attachment: Also known as companionate love, attachment includes feelings of calm, emotional support, and security. You will find this feeling in a long-term relationship.
Let us categorize feelings into love and lust and look at how the two differ from each other.
What Is Love?
Love entails having a deep emotional, spiritual, and mental connection with a person. It involves being attracted to a person through emotional arousal, physical affection, lasting commitment, and sexual passion. Typically, people go into mental distress when a love relationship ends. The brain produces feel-good chemicals like dopamine that contribute to the euphoria seen in the early stages of a love relationship.
What Is Lust?
Lust is an overwhelming desire to be intimate or sexual with the person and mainly involves feelings of physical arousal. It is controlled by the brain’s hypothalamus, an area that stimulates the production of two sex hormones called testosterone and estrogen. As you can imagine, lust is more short-term, whereas love willingly goes the extra mile and includes a desire to make the relationship last.
Here is a snapshot of the major differences between love and lust: You can easily confuse the two as they have similar neural pathways in the brain (1). However, here is the key difference: love finds its foundation in the feelings of a mental and emotional connection, which may or may not create a desire for physical intimacy, but lust primarily makes you crave physical and sexual intimacy and cannot exist without it. By extension, lust can lead to disillusionment about the other person’s physical and emotional characteristics and drive misconceptions in the relationship. You now know the basic differences between love and lust. But, why should you learn to tell the two apart in the first place? Find out below.
Why Should You Understand The Differences Between Love And Lust?
Simply put, understanding the differences between love and lust allows you to:
Cultivate relationships that are in sync with your current needs and interests. Navigate relationships with greater ease and clarity. Prioritize your relationship by gauging its progress in terms of physical and emotional attraction. End the relationship before it transforms into something that you do not want. Identify when you may not be on the right track and course-correct before either of you gets too invested or too hurt.
You should self-reflect and figure out what you need from your life right now – whether it is physical love or emotional support, or both. Then, once you have figured out your needs, you can tread in the right direction and find a partner that truly satisfies those needs and wants, and wishes for similar things that you can offer satisfaction with. On that note, let us look at the signs that will help you identify your true feelings.
How To Tell The Difference Between Love And Lust
If you are confused about your feelings for your partner, it is a good idea to self-reflect and ask yourself the following questions: If your answer to each of these questions is ‘yes,’ it is probably lust. Remember that you may also feel lust for an Instagram celebrity or an attractive model while browsing through social media. It is a completely natural feeling that does not typically last too long. However, it is important to note that you may feel lust toward a person and also be in the process of falling in love with them. So, go ahead and ask yourself the following questions: If you answered ‘yes’ to most of the above questions, it is an indicator of love. Unlike lust, love is a connection that goes beyond physical attraction and sexual intimacy. It involves feeling a deep sense of emotional and mental connection that can be expressed via actions and words. Love also entails greater security, respect, and admiration for the partner.
Is One More Important Than The Other?
The short answer is ‘no.’ People can feel both love and lust for the same person at the same time. Conversely, you can feel love for a person and not lust, and vice-versa. What is important to note is that, contrary to popular opinion, lust is in no way inferior to love. While love paves the way for a deeper emotional connection through shared experiences, lust can be equally pleasurable or rewarding in the short term. Love reinforces emotional support in your life and can provide a lot of spiritual and mental help. Lust, on the other hand, can help you feel sexy, playful, and attractive, which is also important. Sometimes, feelings of lust can lead to love but in no way guarantee partner compatibility in the long run. Therefore, you really cannot compare the two or give one more importance over the other as it depends on what you want in a relationship. Moving on, let us look at how you can cultivate feelings of lust or love through the following tips and tricks.
Top 7 Ways To Lust After Someone
As stated above, there is nothing wrong with having feelings of lust for your partner. The idea is to understand how sexually compatible you are with each other by communicating frequently and honestly about each other’s physical needs. If you want to develop a healthy sense of lust, try the following effective ways: Keep in mind that all of these things should be done keeping your partner’s boundaries and safety in mind. If they tell that you that something you are doing is making them uncomfortable, stop doing it immediately. It is also your responsibility to create a safe space for them to communicate their needs and boundaries with you. If you prefer to organically develop feelings of love instead of lust, read on for some useful tips.
How To Recognize And Develop Feelings Of Love
As you might have guessed, recognizing and building on feelings of love takes more time, commitment, communication, and effort. Also, the feeling of love has to kick in naturally, which can eventually be built on and cultivated further. Here are some ways to develop feelings of love that does not seem forced or unnatural: You can cultivate and deepen a sense of love by communicating with your partner and listening to their needs. Let us look at how you can self-reflect and navigate the complex world of love and lust with greater ease.
Top 8 Questions To Ask When Self-Reflecting
Wondering where your relationship is headed and what your expectations from your partner are? Ask yourself the following questions to figure out which feeling you identify with the most:
Is lust stronger than love? Keep in mind that both love and lust come with their benefits, and neither is superior or inferior to the other. It will be helpful for you to reflect on them and decide what works for you. Finally, communicate about this with your partner to ensure a smooth relationship. Lust is one of the strongest forces that attract two individuals together. Love, on the other hand, is a slow and sustained connection. The biologically driven nature of lust can trump love that does not encompass strong physical desires and mutual attraction. Can you have a relationship without lust? Yes, there are various forms of relationships that can exclude lust as a necessary factor. However, a healthy romantic relationship necessitates some degree of lust for each other to maintain attraction and intimacy. How long does lusting last? It depends on the relationship. In a healthy polarised relationship, lust for each other can last for years. In others, it is often limited to the infatuation stage which lasts roughly between 6 months to 3 years.
Sources
Love is in the Gaze: An Eye-Tracking Study of Love and Sexual Desire https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4273641/
